Tootsie Roll: Meaning and Consequence

With Halloween coming up, I've started thinking about sweets. Roaming suburbia in hunter-gatherer mode with a pillow case and a can of shaving cream inside.

The worst halloween candy :

Tootsie Rolls
The cheapest well-known candy brand that you can buy. "Trick or Treat?" "Huh, Tootsie rolls!!?!" "Why don't you just punch me in the face, mister?!?"

Tootsie Rolls look like dookie. Coincidence? Nope. They're usually hard and look like stale turds. It doesn't take much of a leap to see why they're among the last ones in the candy bowl a month later.

Hershey Special Darks
Open a bag of Hershey miniatures and, invariably, one week later all that are left are these bag fillers. Shady meat producers will add styrofoam to their feed to lower costs. Hershey adds special darks to make us think we're getting more edible chocolate than we actually do. The cow anus of chocolates. That is why they are "special."

Candy Corn
I'm pretty sure that I tried these in second grade and haven't tried them since. I sniffed markers and ate a lot of paste back then. I remember it tasting like wax but thinking i'd rather eat paste because the paste we used in class was saltier.

Black Licorice
Tastes like medicine. Medicine means feeling sick. Feeling sick means still having to go to school. Going to school means eating paste and sniffing markers.